His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
