i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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