my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
