When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
