omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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