so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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