I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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