I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
