I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
