last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
