are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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