i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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