I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
