dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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