Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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