I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
