I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
