So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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