I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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