I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize