i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
