I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk is not a location!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
