i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
