We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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