Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
