Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
