Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
