I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
