I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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