the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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