with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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