I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
