he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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