i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize