That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
