I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
