You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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