Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
