I'm so fucking centered right now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
