i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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