I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
