i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
