does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
