Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
