your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
