you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
