apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
