I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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