Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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