Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
