hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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