If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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