I'm lost and stupid without you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
