did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
