Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
