How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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