I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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