if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
