Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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