just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
