I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
