I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize