Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
