So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
