tell your sister to shave her snatch
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
