WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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