A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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