Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
